Jared Ning

The Wei of the Ningja

Bedlam Elevator


An OU fan, an OSU fan, and an elderly woman walk into an elevator. In her mink coat and half browned glasses, the woman turns to me and says, “You must be very proud to be wearing that sweatshirt”. The OSU guy lifts his head towards me. Given our alma maters’ recent events, I begin to feel uncomfortable. My skin begins to burn.

“Uhh, yes, very proud”, I say with a fake smile.

“Much better than I feel”, says the OSU man. I can breathe a little now, and my face color starts to distinguish itself from my hoodie. Still slightly uncomfortable, I can barely stand to look at him, but I quickly acknowledge him and return a slightly less fake smile with an exhalation of a forced laugh.

The classy mink lady continues, “That was a great game”. Both of us agree with her. The elevator door opens and nobody moves. The OSU guy gestures to the door and says to the woman, “Please”.

“I tell you what was a great game was the Florida State/Auburn game. Did you watch it?” I can feel the tension leave my face, the stiffness in my body dissipate, and I reply “I watched every minute of it. It WAS a great game”. In a lame attempt I mutter, “You guys’ game was good too”. I’m such an idiot.

We reach the revolving door at the same time. I insist he goes first. We exchange parting pleasantries. Nice guy.